You Left Me In A Lumberyard Last Night

rustle rustle goes the night

rustle rustle goes my knees trying to get right

goes my arms trying to steal warmth

goes the snipping critters looking for a bite

 

you left me in a lumberyard last night

 

cuddled up to wet kindle

heart splintered like a useless piece of wood

shrapnel in my hands and cheek

industrial steel covers for sheets

night creeps

discarded trash speaks

 

i think, voice box cracked

weak

from calling your name

that I am lost in a manufactured dead forest

waiting for you to reclaim

me

if I am solid the creatures that  be

won’t find the hiding place

I miss your quiet face,

still like wood

scavenging through the dust & debris

I will make fire

let the wood face cook the cold away

it was cold when you left me

chuck in chunks of my lumber prison

I guess I’ll call this yard home now

this & that petrified stack

will be the bedroom where the moon used to make room for you

 

I thought I mattered more than a tattered doll

forgotten and ignored

left under humble rubble

 

rumble rumble goes the night

rumble rumble goes fear’s appetite

goes rowdy, rough boys looking for a fight

 

i shiver into a corner trying not to be seen

im scared and alone

in this processed jungle

needing a way out of the fallen log’s bowel

I’ll build a tower of babel

with reconstructed self esteem

as an escape

Limber up hacked limbs of timber

the timbre clanging as I climb to the heavens

to find you

 

ring ring goes the night

ring ring goes the alarms of my flight

goes my resolve

goes my hemorrhaging heart from love’s sight

Alarm Clock Blues

I opened my eyes and not to my surprise

My alarm clock didn’t ring

Stapled to the bed my body slept

When thoughts into my head crept

I just wanted to crawl back into the

Somberness of sleep

Feel my fantasies come alive

Without the actuality of living them

 

10 minutes too early I hear imaginary ticks

 

1 minute in the questions roll in

Thick as the goose down blanket

I used to block it out but the

Feather thin questions keep slippin in

What are you doing?

You are half awake in a world that is comatose

Why do you insist on an overdose of their sedatives?

Why don’t you live and take your dreams with you?

 

Minute 2

I survive the first attack and make a quick move

But my whole body is a 10 bowling ball sack

Forcing me to list to more what if’s and maybe’s

What if that little girl running down the road

Understood that when she woke up her life was to erode

Into the military violence forced on her by the Sudanese government?

Maybe in her sleep she’d a heard her mother’s muffled screams?

Heard the Janjaweed Janjaweed shout?

Saw another way out before the devil horse ran her down?

 

Its about 3 minutes now

How could he sitting on his pillow soft cotton bed

Wake with the singular thought to put a gun to his head

Call his girl on the phone                    tell her he missed her

Then pull the trigger?

Did the red bandana dye seep into his mind?

Tell him bloodshed is the only way to serve his country

 

Minute 4

What are we fighting for?

Will a black president

Set the precedent for success

Or will the excess lies

That were ostracized

During Bush’s reign

Rain on his parade?

 

Minute 5 arrives

Why did God wake me before the alarm clock that lies by my side?

Does the Lord know that I tried to hide during the night?

Will I always feel as warm as these orange stripped covers?

What if my best is not the best?

What if I rise so fast that I fall like bricks?

 

Minute 6 only minute 6

Why are these ticks not clicking quick enough?

Why don’t you just stand up? Or should I kneel & pray?

Should I live for Him? Or should I live for those who won’t live for Him?

 

7 minutes pass in this hellish heaven

Someone had to have woken up in love this morning

Right?

 

Minute 8

Can’t the suffering wait?

 

Minute 9

It’s a clean slate

No thoughts

Just wavering sleep

Feeling the density of the room’s hands

Pressing on my back

Moving up the sheets

to where the intrusive

alarm clock rings

Chlorine Splashes

chlorine splashes 

dirty blue 

untold secrets in this dirty pool

his eyes stare 

cold blooded

hands bare

touching there

his hands in her hair

helplessly i stare frozen to the stair

i feel our eyes touch

children need not see 

the ugly truth that be

Tension so deep that the water sleeps 

he leans into her more 

the terrace shrinks 

with chlorine splashes 

he’s out 

I don’t scream

stupid

why don’t i scream

they leave 

count the stars to quiet your racing heart

the sky

the world 

a salty sea splash of dirty blue

drowned with untold secrets

 

Redeemption

 no no no

all i hear is screams 

the knife 

the bat 

the gun 

lay on the table 

all i think of is the screaming 

the knife thrust to the stomach

ripping, tearing 

the swung to the torso

breaking, crushing

the gun shot

blood blood is on your hands 

he slowly leans to the side 

breathing his last  breaths

my nightmares haunt 

make them stop 

it wasn’t me 

please

Kneel

we are born

cradling our knees

closely

like a guitarist plucking strings

holding onto the spark

exposed torsos

i wont kneel with my back to God

try to recount His words

im bound from heavens doors

by these blankets

while i lay and pray

the devil dances on this mattress

i fetally rock

between heaven and hell

when sleep swoops in

eyes faded to black, nothing phases me

thoughts fall

like dominoes

simmering hot coals extinguished

dark ash my witness

 

morning peeks

and i know

holy war’s peace

is somewhere between

death and defeat

We Wear The Mask

4
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
       We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
       We wear the mask!
–Paul Laurence Dunbar

High School

These hallways resound

the sound of our breath even when we are not around

to gasp at its fluidly tight air

Our buzzing energy absorbs into every

cinder block

giving spirit to the walls even when they are empty

We give life to the building

of dancing dreams

Circling our fated decisions like Cassius Clay

we enter a vertical, hollow ring

 

I dodge shoulders on the way to class

Remember to get a pass to see Ms.… Thing

Combinations or Permutations           13 42 13

Certain I can’t finish 2nd’s homework in 1st

First begins with a teacher who didn’t respect me previously

Now works frivolously to see my good nature. What…

 

We and these hallways are backbiting, jealously warm family

bound together by laws, plaster, and bricks

The longing anticipation to bust free of it

is only so strong when your kin is close

This building builds us up like Big Mama’s hugs

simultaneously

changing us like father’s hate/love

And sibling rivalry seeps into our souls when we past each other in these halls

playing in unrecognizable blood

 

Friends and hugs        Smiles and PDA

I need to get to class    Get out of my way!

Oh wait it’s you           slow down       we still cool

We have time before it rings                to talk over some things

Ringalingaling… Guess not

 

We are jungle

Wild and unkempt

These corridors are society’s attempt

To refine and reprint copies of itself

The walls

Enclose us       and      hold us

Cradle             and      mold us

We willfully unwillingly are apart of this building

This cold concrete Mother

 

I am always surrounded by people and still am alone

I want to go home

No more tests or teacher’s hissy fits

Girls screaming from how hard rumors hit

Am I the only one who’s sick of it?

The mouths move that sit behind the desks

I’m hungry…When’s lunch

 

These halls will shove us into the Un-

Known

Foreseen

future

nipping at our memories like starved fledglings

heartbroken that we have flown

 

Bottomline

I can’t wait

to graduate

But I will miss

this

place

Ring…             Ring…                   Ring…

Bordering On 5 AM

It is bordering on 5am

here I sit

fully awake

listening to the mundane hum of a ceiling fan

filter into the sounds

a house makes

when no ones moving

A white spider crawled from the depths of the couch

cross my sheet

& still I didn’t flinch

I simply sat

I sit here

memorizing every piece of furniture

staring at the ripped out stitches of an old couch

until the unexpected gut urge

to seek pen & paper

begin to twitch my fingertips

its an idea

premature obscure and cloudy

but as my search narrows

the

fog becomes elaborate clods packed with words

my eyes would not shut

my mind would not stop placing the words

seeing them in my head as if I had already written it

They floated there for hours

through the background of

headphones TV and conversation

until even now as day breaks into night

with nothing but my heart beat

to remind me that I am still alive

even that seems to thump words

as I conclude my search

when my eyes finally rest on my notebook

Divinely inspired is what he calls it

The peak hours allow sufficient silence

as I think at times my thoughts run so deep

that consumption ensues

I begin to feel every story I breathe

life to

from the time it enters my mind

to the moment its on the page

it is me

invented or not

the characters have faces that I can see

& I must write their story

There is a reason

for sleeping late with scribbles still swirling in my head

for sitting here

to know that now bordering on 6am

sitting here blankly staring at the floral patterns on the couch

isn’t crazy

I write to fill a void

I write because

it is the only remedy

for a long sleepless night

of ignoring a force

that commands me to write

even now

my eyelids sink & I feel sleep

meaning my thoughts may rest

knowing they are held safely within black binding

later to be shared

with those who are willing to listenimages