Time Has Gone

The time has gone somewhere

yesterday was five years ago

before i knew of you

have you ever seen the silhouette of a skeleton dancing in the moonlight he said

weighted words fluttering

over the shuffling

of broken desks at the rec

Hey, old me

pay attention

this morning the warning bell rang

clanging its announcement that 1st period began

Mrs. Gathers teaches us about Egypt

instead of Shakespeare

& i have the sneaking suspicion

that in a building

of 22 white teachers and a euro-centric curriculum

that she won’t last here

she was gone the next year

Ey, me, youngin

i see you daydreaming about pushing metaphors

around on stage late night

but fight through the heavy laid accent

and listen to the wisdom

 

Yesterday i thought yesterday was all i had

caught up in wishing for the world to end

so i don’t have to reflect on

who i could’ve been

until i told myself stop bitchin

took a good look within

and said its time to woman up

Little girl

i got our dream on my back

manifest destiny ahead

& I’m not prepared to stop

I woke up ready, pissed

at what i have yet to accomplish

grabbed old me by the hand

& hugged her

told her i loved her

but go back to sleep daydreams pepe jeans white tees

I got this

Time’s fast

but I’m faster

I will not rest until my dreams

of tomorrow come crashing

down with waves

of success

 

 

Hello God, It’s Me

Hello God, it’s me

its going on day three and

still my baby won’t sleep

I cradle him close to my chest

steadily tap

rhythm on his back

like that of a rocking ship

the downbeat of the bass

we syncopate with the slow motion of gravity’s pull

back and forth

until

his angry flailing lulls

still restless I feed him my dreams

since circumstance has taken my breasts

I hold him closer to my now flattened chest

and smoothly sing this prayer

let my voice be the milk

that fills his little belly

let it be like honey

so that he may never go hungry

loud enough to mask

the dissonance of gunshots

down by the deli

please help him sleep quietly

and I will sing

nina simone, etta james, and ella

into the unholy hours of the morning

before the daily grind of the laborer begins

I will sing

until the day he walks upright

kingly

no longer needs me

to get through the night

I will sing calmly to let the devils know

that God blesses the child

of the mother

who works hard to give him his own

nineteen pounds, dark brown

after snaking his small fist into the fold under my arm

and pinching my fat lightly

on night three

of wrestling

finally

Finally, we sleep

Utica Ave.

hectic street

scandalous

dollar vans

gypsy cabs

jovial juve

thugs slink

ripple of looks

watch the horde

march by

white castle

the parkway

bobby’s

jerk chicken

expendable

please

with the excuses

they’re just misunderstood youths

unlimited stop

two fare zones

from home

defenseless to the ghetto

spit out a diss

be different

pioneer

something new

ice grill if you have to

but be yourself

and nothing else

 

The Call: Part One

I am the coming development

envelopment of progress, oh yes

that vacant lot you park your rental benz

in front of is embarking

I’ve been called on from city government high

to cut down the weeds sprouted into trees

clear the land, so to speak

trash, discarded shopping carts, and birthday cards

to be tucked deep

into your memory

Make way for the gentrified mortar and bricks of an

Aid-Rite… “Your Get Right In A Hurry”

don’t take offense this is just business

a much bigger family than your province

Look we care  for the urban community

creating all these jobs, revenue, and unity

breaking down this ugly eye sore of a vacant lot

for crisp

clean

profit

Stop it

we don’t have time

for your repine

you can’t fight the new world order

with your skewed cognizance

You could’ve built a playground or a garden

a community hub to grow-in

instead

you have chosen

to languish

weaken

on a stoop with $5 Chinese food when

Lucky Garden

sells their colorful candy packs

next to the fruity cigar wraps

and condoms

because those are the

products your people perpetuate

the children your people germinate

the fat, fucked, and lazy

spitting them out like vending machines with hood dreams

you think you can lay claim to those blocks you don’t own

no assets no appreciation

a mortgage not even a rent note

little do you know

I can flood these streets with police

trumped up charges and property leans

un-subsidized loans

unpaid taxes

I can take your home

I am what’s next

I am revitalization

there will be no more dead lots and drug spots

the path of my destruction will enter

it will either leave you in jail

or in the system swallowing repetition until you’re too old to function

in the meantime

we’ve secretly siphoned social security and that bullshit retirement fund

so please

lose focus

it won’t make a difference

I am

still coming

 

 

 

Ode To Mom

more lovely than anyone

light on a dark road

backbone, best friend

rebel flower

they could all drown in a pond of our laughter

hereafter

teach me to be like you

straight to the chase

bold in the face

anointed

a woman who knows her place is wherever she chooses

hustler

no comparison

my aspiration to be

you know they say we look like you

and i accept that proudly

This Is How They Love You Back

This is how they love you back

I could stand here nakedly offering

him the key to my forever

He’d hesitate

 

This is how they love you back

say I am in love with love but

not the idea of your love just hers

or I could’ve sworn I heard a knocking on my heart

I just forgot to open the door

 

This is how they love you back

let me hold your hand here

before anyone sees

let me be me

because being an ass

is all I want to be

I don’t want the responsibility of your happiness

whatever you have to give though

I’ll take, gladly

 

This is how they love you back

I could suffocate on the waiting

 

This is how they love you back

This is how it feels

This is how it sounds

This is how it is

We burrow tears

bracing the leveesforgetnotheart1o1

against the flood gates so that they won’t break

and we struggle

deep in the trench of giving

we sweat

to find footing in the mud

 

This is how they love you back

all smiles and wide gaped laughter

 

This is how they love you back

without trusting or knowing

 

This is how they love you

This is how they love you

This is how it feels

This is how it sounds

and we hurt

holding onto nothing

but struggle

 

This is how we leave you just a little bit freer

This how we love us back

This is for the last time I found myself wanting

This is for the comparisons

and mood swings

the general dismissal of my things

the leavings

the I need to work on my own feelings

the fifteen missed messages

and unheard phone rings

 

This is how we love us back

apply pressure to the muscle

gently squeeze

don’t forget to breathe

this is how it feels

this is how it sounds

this is how it is

 

 

 

Madness

madness is

wearing your ex’s bracelet next to the current boyfriend’s on the same wrist while fighting with your new best friend about your old one

madness is

puberty and periods and prom

madness is

four kids at bed time

madness is

the new

madness is

that good good, the kind you stayed awake for

madness is

music

madness is

getting pissy drunk on a Tuesday in preparation for the weekend so you forget about the job you hate

and somehow

my madness is

love

pure, like hunger, and the stabbing reminder that you are

I Think I Fell In Love Today…

i think i fell in love today…

is what he said

over dinner and baked bread

i swallowed whatever it was

boiling in my head

and waited

for the careless callousness

of a passing comment to fade

to blow away inflamed rage

like waves of steam off my sage salmon

to shovel the hurt back down

my throat and drown it

what else had he done today

where had i been

work this morning

salty kiss goodbye?

had that been a sign

no playful banter or texts

grocery shopping i spent an extra hour

trying to get everything on the lists

so i wouldn’t have to make two trips

I’m knee deep in mangoes

because i know he likes them ripe

and he’s out falling in love

a quick surveillance

yields an unsatisfactory availability of weaponry

butter knives

can’t really do damage

…with salmon…

with

salmon

that

i …cooked

after digesting

what would’ve been

a light dusting

of my own foot

he smirks, tiny

calm

can we eat salmon more often

The Park

I’m cold 

hungry

didn’t have breakfast

guess this is what happens when winter comes

this chilly bench

warmth fleeting in this lonely park

except for a father and his kid I guess

eh I don’t exist

to anyone

at least they’re having fun

It’s colder

I’m colder

sucking on this smoke to ward off frostbite

They’re leaving

she watches me

I guess I should smile

I’m still a person

I hope I am.

 

I Just Can’t

The cratered wrinkles have set deep under my eyes

they can’t disguise

this new found insecurity I have with beauty

I just can’t

glare at the mirror staring back

anticipating what you see

except my reflection

flat and imperfect is trapped in the glass

I just can’t 

there are earthquakes beneath my fingertips

why would you entrust your heart 

to someone whose hands shake

I’m trying my best to hold still for you