I Think I Fell In Love Today…

i think i fell in love today…

is what he said

over dinner and baked bread

i swallowed whatever it was

boiling in my head

and waited

for the careless callousness

of a passing comment to fade

to blow away inflamed rage

like waves of steam off my sage salmon

to shovel the hurt back down

my throat and drown it

what else had he done today

where had i been

work this morning

salty kiss goodbye?

had that been a sign

no playful banter or texts

grocery shopping i spent an extra hour

trying to get everything on the lists

so i wouldn’t have to make two trips

I’m knee deep in mangoes

because i know he likes them ripe

and he’s out falling in love

a quick surveillance

yields an unsatisfactory availability of weaponry

butter knives

can’t really do damage

…with salmon…

with

salmon

that

i …cooked

after digesting

what would’ve been

a light dusting

of my own foot

he smirks, tiny

calm

can we eat salmon more often

The Lion And The Cat

The lion, prideful but without a pride, roamed in search of a cave to hide. Hunters were coming to lay him down, hunters were coming with crazy sound. They smashed the branches and snapped twigs; rolled over homes under the plain, and knocked nature about. The lion was lucky in his cool brown and padded claws. He slipped through the trees undetected, hatred reflected in his eyes for all his murdered and kidnapped felines. Into himself he retreated, sprawling out on the dirt, alone, he felt good for a moment. It had been so long that there in the cave, he thought he had dreamed it.

When a perky little cat, Roberta, Bob for short, came trotting by. She heard the loud sigh of an angry lion inside. “Go away small one why have you come,” he roared “can’t you see that with all of you I am done!” She perked up her whiskers and sat lightly on her tail staring up into the jaws of hell. “Out I said, or I’ll surely kill you dead.”

Un-phased, she laid in the shade of a tree trunk across the way and went to sleep. There she stayed. Every day. Listening to the lion storm, bringing warm mice for him to nibble on, leading the monkeys away whenever they tried to bother, singing sweet meows whenever he started to holler.

Until finally one day long after, he cried to the cat “Why? Surely you know the real world is not this kind.”

“We are the same,” she said.

“I am a lion,”  he growled.

“You are a cat albeit a very big one. I am black and spotted, you are tan. You are alone and in pain. I remember once when I was in needing, someone came with love, feeding me bits of kindness. We may not look it, but we are the same. And if we don’t take care of each other who will,…” she began to trail off, and slowly got up to walk away “…the hunter?”

Into the brush she went without a word more.

The lion, so used to her love and affection, followed behind; and thought, in time, I will learn how to be the same.

Small Container, Fury

Rembrandt paints his carcass of beef.

You see a little blood near the poppies

and don’t think of detachment.

Humbert and his girl are driving across America.

One has a thirst so unslakeable, one walks

right into the river.

How exciting spring is! and how errant,

holding out love and death

like a platter of the daintiest cakes.

As I do my work, I think, let me topple,

wear thin. Let the world eat me, but

then, let the world sob, not me.

–By Sandra Lim from The Wilderness (W.W. Norton, 2014).

My Stop Is Grand

I have no illusion
some fusion
of force and form
will save me,
bewilderment
of bonelight
ungrave me

as when the L
shooting through a hell
of ratty alleys
where nothing thrives
but soot
and the ratlike lives
that have learned to eat it

screechingly peacocked
a grace of sparks
so far out and above
the fast curve that jostled
and fastened us
into a single shock of—
I will not call it love

but at least some brief
and no doubt illusionary belief
that in some surge of brain
we were all seeing
one thing:
a lone unearned loveliness
struck from an iron pain.

Already it was gone.
Already it was bone,
the gray sky
and the encroaching skyline
pecked so clean
by raptor night
I shuddered at the cold gleam

we hurtled toward
like some insentient herd
plunging underground at Clark
and Division.
And yet all that day
I had a kind of vision
that’s never gone completely away

of immense clear-paned towers
and endlessly expendable hours
through which I walked
teeming human streets,
filled with a shine
that was most intimately me
and not mine.

–Christian Wiman